Center of Gravity

I am a creature of habit. I like knowing what to expect, I like to-do lists, I like making a schedule. That said, anything done repetitively is in service of long-term change. That took me a long time to figure out, and for a while, it made me very anxious. I’d always wished for a one-size-fits-all routine that scales infinitely, and only in naming that now do I see how silly that is. Habits and systems aren’t meant to be permanent. It’s good to have a baseline, as long as you know when to move it, and once that moves, everything changes. The past couple years I’ve learned to love making adjustments to fit the season of my life. Summer’s here now so I’d like to list some things that have been working for me right now.

I’m always trying to get a good night’s sleep. I know how detrimental screens can be for sleep quality, so I’ve cut screen time before bed. These days, at least one hour before lights out, my phone is away (I’ll respond to important messages if I need to) and my desktop is off. I’ve since shifted to evening activities like tarot and reading which are just as fun, lower energy, and more aligned with my values overall.

I hate seeing things I didn’t choose! Most things these days are algorithm based with a built-in infinite scroll; that’s cool and all but it’s not for me. I turned off YouTube recommendations recently, and it’s done wonders for my mental health. Now I only see what I’m subscribed to. At first, I was worried about missing out on new content, but the thing is, I don’t need more YouTube. For me, the highest quality content is in movies and books, so it doesn’t make sense to add more of what I’m not prioritizing right now. Bonus tip, it was great to cull my subscriptions. I see this system working for me long term with an occasional deep dive to see if I want to add/subtract subs as needed.

I’ve been chewing my food more to support my gut health, and it’s changed the way I enjoy my food for the better. Apparently, for optimal digestion, I’m supposed to chew 20-30 times per bite. At first it was frustrating to spend so much time on meals, but I quickly learned to love it. I appreciate my food so much more now. I get the full texture of every bite and a more robust range of tasting notes. Also, I eat less now. There’s more time for my body to register it’s full, so it’s easier to avoid overeating. My gut is thanking me, and I look forward to each meal.

After the marathon I took a break from running but I still wanted to stay active. I’ve tried the whole weightlifting thing, but I don’t like the way I look when I’m too thick. Instead, I’ve opted for calisthenics, and it’s been great. I’m not visually huge but my muscles are very efficient, and I love the feeling of lifting my own body. Plus, it’s intense enough to keep to a three-day schedule so I still have plenty of time for other things. I’m hardly at the gym but I’m still fit and clearheaded.

Recently I’ve been laughing a lot more. I try to watch something funny (usually something off Dropout) while eating dinner and it’s made a huge difference in the energy of my days. There’s something evocative and surprising about laughter, you don’t choose to do it, it’s pulled out of you in the best way. It might sound dumb to say “laugh more” but honestly? If you don’t do it often? Try it. For someone as anxious as I am, laughter is like a shot of happiness totally untouched by any fears or worries about the past or future. It grounds me in a version of the present where all I’m worried about is enjoying myself.

Making kimchi from scratch is probably the coolest thing I’ve done in recent memory. I brag about it to anyone that will listen. It’s incredibly low effort for enormous payoff in health, flavor, and versatility. It’s also genuinely different from when you just buy it, which is way more expensive anyways and logistically a bother (I’m pretty far from the Asian grocery). Plus, in making it myself, I can customize the recipe to my liking. It’s been three weeks, and I still have the first batch—it lasts a while. The other night I even made kimchi fried rice and there’s still so much left.

I’m not terribly excited about summer. I feel a sort of dread about it. The things I’ve listed have warded off some of that dread; they make me feel purposeful and alive. Some of them, like chewing and limiting screens before bed, are hopefully permanent additions. Others, like kimchi and YouTube recommendations, might be temporary. That’s okay. Next season I might get into crocheting, who knows. The important thing is that I’m taking intentional steps and enjoying myself along the way.